Scars
by ChibiJaime
Summary: It's always the same old routine for Hakkai and Gojyo, but what happens when Gojyo gets *too* drunk one night...? Rated for violence. Set in the three years before Saiyuki. Second & final chapter added! R&R appreciated and encouraged!
1. Scars

~~ Okay, I'm putting a warning here for a good reason. I have good sound reasoning to believe that nine times out of ten, Gojyo is a stupid drunk who would hit on a light post before realizing it wasn't a woman. However, I also think Gojyo has a mean streak, perhaps because of his mother. That one time, what if a little of the hatred he saw as a child showed through?  
  
So yes, there is some "domestic" violence (if you want to call it that, they're only flatmates, after all) in this shortfic. Drunks aren't always weirded out people who stand on bars and strip, y'know, so... well...  
  
Anyway, don't yell at me for this. I'm just a starving writer throwing my stuff out for you people to read and review, after all.~~  
  
~=Scars=~  
  
I'm not sure why I agreed to move in with him. Gojyo and I were two very different people. We still are. He Sha Gojyo, the scandalous rogue, coming home late at night smelling of beer, cigarettes, and sex. I Cho Hakkai, a quiet pretender, a fake smile plastered on my face, always waiting with some asprin and tea when he walked in with a hangover.  
  
I remember what I said when I awoke as Cho Gonou in his home. Thinking I was in Hell, and wondering why Hell was so proletarian. I have to admit, I was not a lower class man. Gojyo was, from the moment I met him. And I admire how he's kept going through it.  
  
Months after I moved in with him, taking in a wounded dragonet. He had been unsure about having a pet, but the pathetic look on the little creature's face softened even him, and so Hakuryuu came to be. He's always there as I tend to Gojyo, always watching.  
  
Every night shows the same routine. I clean the house as he goes into town, gambles and wins some money for us to live on, sometimes stays out later than expected because a pretty girl has caught his eye. That's Gojyo.  
  
There's times I wish he wouldn't occupy my mind as often as he does. During the day, as we sit and talk while Gojyo recovers from a hangover, I watch those haunted pools of blood, barely visible through the mass of ruby silk. At night, I sit by the window with my monocle off, trying to see a world now blurred to me, but only seeing crimson.  
  
Most nights, though, things were the same. Over and over, the same routine. I shouldn't have wished that things would change. It was foolish of me. But I did anyway.  
  
The very night that everything changed.  
  
*****  
  
I had been waiting up as always, boiling tea, setting out the painkillers... Gojyo often came in with a terrible hangover. I was always waiting to help him out of his clothes, normally barely even pulled on properly, and get him to bed. I didn't know that tonight, just this once, it would not be a hangover that Gojyo brought home.  
  
The look on his face as he staggered through the door was unlike any I had ever seen. He did not reek of sex tonight. He stank of alcohol, and a lot of it. I should've known better. I shouldn't have gone near him. But for fear he could be ill with all the alcohol he drank, I moved closer, put my hand on his shoulder. "Gojyo...? Daijoubu desu ka...?"  
  
That was my first mistake. Even Hakuryuu saw this from his seat on the table, puffing up his body a little and hissing. Gojyo pushed my hand away roughly and lifted his eyes to me. They were clouded with the alcohol, not seeing what he normally would see.  
  
It was then and only then that I realized my dilema. I didn't even have time to dodge as his hand caught my shoulder, shoving me back against the wall (damn it, Gojyo, always being the stronger one...). "Whaddaya think's th'matter w'me?"  
  
The words were slurred and the smell of the beer on him was positively nauseating. I shifted uneasily. I didn't like the way this was turning. I spoke quietly, trying not to provoke his anger. "You've had a little much to drink, Gojyo... let's just get you to bed, and you can sleep this off."  
  
He drew back, pulling me from the wall with him. His hand left my shoulder, and for a moment I thought he was going to comply. I was wrong. I was so very wrong.  
  
The back of a broad hand cracked against my cheek, the sheer force of the blow slamming me into the wall I had been shoved into before. My mind reeled... I knew I was in trouble now. What Gojyo lacked in speed he made up for in strength, and right now, I was in no position to run. Blocked on all sides, with nowhere to run without Gojyo easily being able to get ahold of me.  
  
Hakuryuu was flying circles around Gojyo's head, chirping madly at him, angry at him for hurting me. He paid no heed to the tiny dragon and struck me again, this time landing a solid fist against my other cheek. I staggered a little, but he grabbed my shirt. Blood was trickling from my lips, and I knew my eye was blacking. I'd have to think of an excuse for this later. He wouldn't remember it, and I could not let him know. Another sound blow, this one into my stomach, made me choke and cough.  
  
/I'm going to die.../ That thought managed to worm its way in. /He's going to kill me without even thinking about it... he's going to wake up in the morning and find me dead on the floor.../  
  
I was barely aware of my back slamming into the end table, of the thin wood shattering under my weight, cutting my back and arms. I could barely lift my head as Gojyo staggered and slumped into the wall, now barely able to lift his own head. I forced myself to my feet as he dropped to his knees, passed out from the intoxication.  
  
Despite the pain I felt coursing through my body, I managed to get Gojyo into the bedroom, undressed, and into bed. Then, I set myself about cleaning up the mess made and the blood staining the floor...  
  
I had to think of a good excuse for this.  
  
*****  
  
I sat at the table with tea, a glass of water, and painkillers the next morning. I had tended to my cuts and cleaned up the mess. A story for how my eye got blacked and the bruises got on my face was already whirling in my head. And in he walked, in slacks and nothing more, his blood red hair falling about his face. His hand was pressed to his head, and smiling, I held out the water and pills to him. After accepting it and downing it gratefully, he turned to me to thank me...  
  
And I watched as his eyes grow wide, his hands flying out and pulling me to my feet, capturing my face in a scrutinizing gaze. "The hell...?! Who did this to you, Hakkai?!"  
  
"Daijoubu Gojyo." I brushed his hands away, putting on that fake smile that hides all, the one even he can't see through. "I tripped over a beer can and landed myself right into the end table. Some things that were on it hit me. I'll be fine in a few days."  
  
No need to mention the internal injuries, or the blood I had coughed up. I had healed that easily myself. The exhertion, however, had made it impossible for me to heal the smaller wounds.  
  
He frowned at me. He didn't believe me. Then, he sighed, his face softening. "...If you say so. You sure you're okay?"  
  
I smiled and lowered my head. Life returned to normal at that moment. "Daijoubu. I'll make us pancakes for breakfast. I'm sure you must be hungry..."  
  
~Owari~ 


	2. When I See You Smile

~Author's Note: Yes, a sequel to "Scars"! I didn't intend on doing this originally, but I felt it needed to be done after a while.  
  
I'd also like to take a brief moment to note that I wasn't intending Scars to be the typical story of "guy does bad thing, friend tells guy, guy apologizes, friends frollick through fields of flowers into sunset" sort of story. It was a wonderful freefall trip into the deep, dark, and not-too- pretty world of the human psyche. Keep in mind that Gojyo WAS abused as a child, and statistics show that children who experience frequent abuse are far more likely to be abusive as adults.  
  
I'm not saying that Gojyo's the type who'd beat his kids. He's far better than that. But alcohol kills your judgement, rips down carefully built defenses, and takes away any discretion you may have otherwise had. So the question is not of Gojyo's self-control or the type of man he is, but the type of man alcohol could possibly make him.  
  
I love Gojyo to death... he's a fun character, he has a great sense of humor... and the perverts are always the fun ones to swoon over. ^^ But I tend to write far more realistically than most people would wish. At least sometimes. I'm sorry if ya don't like it... but hey, somebody's gotta do it! ^^~  
  
~=When I See You Smile=~  
  
Yet another dreary morning. I stared out the window of the small shack I shared with Gojyo, tracing the paths of the raindrops that fell on the icy panel of glass with my eyes. Gojyo was still asleep, and though I knew he'd have to wake him up soon for breakfast (despite the hangover I knew my friend would have), I almost didn't want to. Gojyo made a rather endearing picture when he was curled up sideways on the bed, arms holding a pillow so tightly I thought it might burst.  
  
I smiled. It had been a little over a year since I had come to live with the roguish half demon, and life had seemed pretty normal of it. We got along quite well, really. It was a mutual relationship to the very core, with me always being there with hot tea and some asprin when Gojyo had a hangover, and Gojyo always being there for a good game of cards and some coffee when I suffered from another sleepless rainy night.  
  
It was very give and take, and by this point, we were both very used to it.  
  
Finally, I sighed. I had put off his task much too long, and now I had to do as was required, no matter what sort of mood Gojyo may be in when he awoke. I was still bearing some bruises from the escapade when Gojyo had come home after one too many shots of vodka...  
  
With a deep sigh, I shook the thought out of my head quickly. That horrible event was in the past... and besides, I had never told Gojyo it had happened. No use dwelling on the past. I slipped to Gojyo's room silently, reaching out and gingerly shaking the shoulder of the sleeping half-breed.  
  
Everything happened in an instant. Gojyo's broad, strong hand shot out and grabbed hold of my arm, and for a moment, I tensed, almost expecting to be struck. But instead, that hand pulled me down against Gojyo's bare chest and held me there. I had almost forgotten... Gojyo's instant grapple mechanism. It seemed that when the kappa was asleep, almost anything that touched him became prey for being instantly snatched into a tight embrace... such as the pillow from before.  
  
My response was sudden and instant. Shocked by the sudden proximity to my friend and strangely excited by the prospect, I found myself quite speechless, a blush burning my cheeks as my heartbeat raced. I could feel Gojyo's breath soft against my ear, and felt every slight movement in the lithe form. When I tried to move, Gojyo held me all that more tightly, and murmured quietly. "Too early, itooshi [1]... just lay still a little longer..."  
  
The excited response melted almost as quickly as it had risen. Gojyo was likely dreaming about one of his many consorts at the bar, the many women that watched him move and warmed his bed sometimes at night. I went to move again once the arms had slacked a little, but they instantly tightened again. This time, what he said stopped my heart cold. "Not now, Hakkai... just... a little longer..."  
  
This time, I had no idea whatsoever how to respond. My friend was talking... to me? One of the long hands trailed up his spine and nestled against the back of my head, slim fingers tangling in the soft dark hair, while the other arm held me in an unbreakable vice. The movements of the other were now making was a sure promise that Gojyo was beginning to wake up, and the prospect now had me terrified. What would Gojyo say when he realized he was holding his closest friend against his chest like a lifeline? What if...  
  
"I want you tell me the truth, Hakkai." The words were spoken very plain and clear. "You tensed when I grabbed your arm, like I was going to strike you." Had he been awake all along? "Why? What happened? Did I do something to you? When?"  
  
"E--eto... Gojyo..."  
  
"Tell me the truth, Hakkai. I want to know." The arms moved about my waist, holding me in a comforting embrace. "Tell me."  
  
"...Remember the morning you woke up and I was suffering from all those bruises..."  
  
"Yeah, I remember that. You said you were cleaning and you fell and hit a table. What about it?"  
  
"...I didn't fall and hit a table. You came in drunk the night before, and..."  
  
There was a long, stifling pause before Gojyo pulled me closer out of instinct, arms holding my slim body all that much tighter, careful of my wounds. "Oh my God... I actually... I hurt you that badly...?"  
  
Instantly, I shook my head, trying to use my hands to push away. "Iie... I... it wasn't bad at all, I..."  
  
"Hakkai, you practically had a fucking broken rib!" Gojyo sat up almost instantly, and for the most part, the blanket fell away. At any other point, a normal man or woman would be dumbstruck at the enticing sight of Gojyo's build and the v of flesh that disappeared just before showing too much. But right at this point in time, my attention was focused on the swirling ruby eyes. "I did that to you?! I could've killed you! Why didn't you tell me?!"  
  
"I didn't want you to..."  
  
"Listen to me, Hakkai." Gojyo had the most serious look on his face that I had ever seen him wear. "I did not know I was that drunk. Had I known, I would've left you alone, but obviously, I didn't. I almost killed you. I don't know what I would do if you'd died that night because I was a dumbass and went off on you with one too many shots of vodka running through me." He lowered his head and his voice slightly. "I don't want to hurt you. Ever."  
  
"Gojyo..."  
  
There was a long moment of silence when Gojyo drew me back into a warm embrace, still murmuring apologies and cursing himself for his own weakness. It was a side of Gojyo that I had never seen... one I felt horrible for thinking would do me any intentional wrong. "If I ever come in that drunk again, Hakkai, just... run. Get the hell out of here and stay the hell out of here until I sober my dumb ass up. Or better yet, hit me back! Don't worry about hurting me. I can take it, trust me."  
  
For a moment, I froze, and then shook my head slightly. "I can't do that. Not to you, I..."  
  
"That's one a' the things I like about ya, 'kai. But y'don't gotta feel like ya owe me anything. I offered to let you stay in my home, and I'm making an ass of myself doing it." Gojyo leaned back at that, a frown crossing the features of his face worn by years of troubled days and lonely nights. "You're far more important to me than a simple flatmate. You've reminded me what it feels like to really wanna be with someone... and more than that. You're my best friend... the only person I can confide in. And hell, I don't give a rat's ass what those bastards in town say... if I find out that I care about you far more than even that, they can go fuck a pine tree. I want to see you smile. An honest, real smile. Not one that you plaster on to lie to me and make me think nothing's wrong. Damn, cry if you want. Get it out. I'll be here, no matter what. But I can't go on with you here if I'm gonna do that again..." He sighed deeply, running a long hand back through his hair. "Tell ya what. If I get too drunk like that again, nail me a good one. Knock me out. Then tell me what happened. I'm gonna do better, Hakkai. I really am."  
  
For a long moment, I could only stare, green eyes wide as I watched Gojyo's face in utter disbelief. "Gojyo... I..."  
  
The sentimental moment was interrupted by Gojyo wincing back, the full force of his hangover finally hitting past his emotional tirade. Groaning, he raised his hands to the sides of his head. "I got drunk again... didn't I...?"  
  
At this, I let that gentle smile return to my face. False as it was, it felt right there, even if both Gojyo and I knew it was not real. "I've got some tea on the stove. Would you like a couple of asprin?"  
  
Sighing his resolve, knowing as well as I did that our conversation could wait for a rainy night and a game of cards, he nodded. "That'd be great, 'kai... thanks."  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
